I wish I were a painter so that I could make worlds with paint. Or a poet. So that I could make worlds with words. I wish I were an artist who could pick up a pencil and draw people a picture to make it clear what I'm fumbling with words to explain.
There is so much inside, this entire ,vast world. Things that I see inside, and sense inside, that can't be explained in words. I wish I could make a movie to show everyone:LOOK. This is what you think you know about me; now HERE is what the TRUTH is. You think you know how my plural mind works? You think you know how things are divided, how communication happens, who sees what? Take a look at this movie and I'll show you the TRUTH.
Anyhow, I can not be on tenterhooks for so long. The world ouside is calling. I have to let it happen. I have to change. It won't be easy, I know you take it strange. Don't name it the frown of fortune. I do not like a hush fall over what we build as friendship. We are all in the middle of a long journey. I can see you're standing on tiptoe and waving to me furiously above a long line of people. I fight down the waves of helplessness and frustration I felt. We must be on the same station. Let's start alfresh!
Though I put on a brave and strong in front yet I'm the same. You hit the right nail on the head that I'm changing. We're just like weather, changing by day after day. Don't hold it against me. I'm at a loss of words. The old beauty may exudes a melancholic image which we're reluctant to part with. I make a room in my heart to save those all. But time leave no room for any of us. The day wastes bit by bit. We can only be young once but can be immature forever. I have to hit the right path. The thought brings me sudden relief. You may swell with dignation to find I'm not very much the same. However, you never loose me just as I never loose myself. Things is unlike what you may think. Stunned. That's what you observe. Take it easy. Let it be.
All I know for certain is that there's a call with irresistible, spellbinding charm that I can't stand to answer. Its charisma is too big. My heart thuds when i remember the past. How much I love it. Yet I can not stay the year of 18 forever and a day. As the old me assautes me, my head swims. My first instinct is to run, but I need to stand still, to look over the way I was used to be. I did a good job. Yet I stayed so long at a period. I was unconsious of myself until a day I realized this vast world is full of joys and I wasted my time at one place. I sign for a new chance, I gasp for a great fulcalty of reception. I want to be the whole me.
But I still need you all. You know for sure at the back of my mind I can go the extra mile for you. I'll always be at the back of you like I used to be. I need your companion. I need your smile. I need your criticism. I need your pep talk. I love it the way you come to me when I find myself fretting about the mountain of work, stick among the ridiculous stuffs, and give me a glass of rot Wein. We can sing, we can laugh, we can dance to release it all.
So, come on. I write this for you. I am. Here. Still. The same. Because I am. MAY